AND A VENT.
This sucks. Life at this moment sucks. When I became a mom, I had always said that I wanted to spend my summers with my kids BUT…. Life got in the way. Divorce got in the way. And unfortunately, I’m not able to spend this summer with my boys.
As a Special Education Teacher, I don’t HAVE to work in the summer but I do have the option to work in the summer. This summer, I am being forced to work due to my (overdue) soon to be EX hiring a lawyer and refusing to mediate reasonably. Fun, right?! NOT FUN AT ALL.
I will say it in EVERY SINGLE BLOG POST because these are my posts, my thoughts in my head, MY BLOG and I can post what I want to post!! Thank you, 1st amendment 🙌🏻 I did not want a messy divorce. There was zero reason for that. We were just not meant to be and had a lot of interfering factors in our way to make things right. I am OK with this and so was he, until the interference. The “interference” is always there, learning, learking, brainwashing, manipulating and controlling every move. She’s like a chessboard, that no one wants to play with. She is the shadow behind you in a scary movie. She’s, INTERFERENCE. And I’m over her but my ex will never be and SO, our divorce got messy.
And now back to our regularly scheduled blog: Johnny was kicked out of camp the first week. This was my exact fear from the start when my ex enrolled him in camp. I’m working the 6 week program at school, not able to take days off and if I do, I don’t get paid for the day. He has a more flexible job but refuses to give me a schedule, making “co-parenting” an absolute nightmare.
When you have children, they should ALWAYS come first. They are not getting divorced from us, we are divorcing each other. They shouldn’t be pawns or a second thought. Co-parenting is about the kids, about communication, about what is doing what is needed for the kids but unfortunately it has not been that way between my ex and I. He has refused to switch weekends with me, refuses to take them when I’m sick, refuses to take them more than 1 weekday (4:30pm-8:00am the next day) and no more than every other weekend. He is not flexible, unwilling and resistant to EVERYTHING. He doesn’t like “change” so how dare I change his schedule?! He’s NOT (but is completely) the child in this divorce.
SO, can someone please tell me; How does one co-parent with someone like the above?! I’ll tell you right now: You can not. It’s impossible. It’s like a tornado that spins in circles, ruins everything and leaves without a care in the world. My ex has now hired a lawyer because… SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! He is not willing to mediate and actually blamed the mediator due to things not going/bending/changing to HIS WAY. The way HE wanted things. This is not how life works and maybeeeee his “interference” should’ve taught him this at a young age, but obviously did not. I, on the other hand, willingly switches weekends, bends over backwards, takes care of my children.. even when I had Covid and can barely walk because, thats what a parent does, right? Also, I am NOT without holding my children, he can see them anytime he wants! Most parents use their kids to control the other, I don’t do that. I ask him to see his children more often, I ask him to help out, I ask him to be a parent. Want to know what he tells me? That I want him to see his children more so that I can go out. Yes, you read that correctly. How sick is that. How much did that make your stomach turn? How much emotional fuckary can someone take.
OHHH FUN FACT: He is only willing to pay a babysitter when I’m at work. If I get stuck in traffic, thats MY FAULT and so he will not pay an extra 1/2 hour. If the babysitter calls me and says there is no more dino chicken for Johnny and I have to run to the store after work, I HAVE to pay for that extra 45 minutes because according to him, “it’s not his problem”. For a single mama, who had nothing but a deposit for an apartment in her pocket, I am PROUD OF MYSELF. Fuck you. Fuck your emotional and financial control. I am OK. I never needed you. Again, I am OKAY. But, not. Emotionally, I admit that I am drained. I’m tired. I am over this back and forth bullshit. I just want this to pass, and it will but not will-ing-ly. I just want to be amicable with him, for the CHILDREN. What he truly doesn’t understand is that he’s not hurting me, he’s hurting his kids.
I have one more week of work, off for 2 weeks and then back to work. All I’m looking forward to is being with my boys. This past year has been the dragon coaster. All the bumps, quick turns, stops and fast gos. My ex went to the Bahamas, a family vacation that his whole family goes on every year. This year, he asked to only bring Johnny, not Xander. Am I an asshole for reminding him that he has 2 kids, not just 1?! Am I a dick for explaining to him that it wouldn’t be fair? Apparently so. He stated that he couldn’t take both of them because it would’ve been “too hard for him”. HAHAHHAHAHHA!!! Did I mention that his WHOLE family goes? Ohhh and that he’s a parent, the dad… with TWO KIDS. BUT, I’m the “mother of the year” (as he tells me) for not getting enough dino chicken for the week. OK. He could’ve cut his week long vacation and come back early to spend “his vacation time” with his kids. He could do a lot of things differently but when I say anything to him, he states that “I live in a fantasy world”. If this life I’m living is a fantasy, then I would like a refund 🙄
The boys and I haven’t had a real vacation in years and so we’re going, GLAMPING! Ohhhhhh, BOTH of my kids are going. Because, I have TWO kids. Two little boys who I want to take somewhere, together. Mother of the year over here!!
Summer has been FUN. So fun.
Someone please wake me when September ends…..