:DRUM ROLL PLEASE: I didn’t get married to get a divorce, I didn’t get divorced just so that I can date. I honestly thought a long long loooooong time ago that I would get my “happily ever after”. I mean, who didn’t believe that after watching Beauty and the Beast? The Notebook? Titanic? I wanted to be Rose! Wasn’t MASH real?! Girl Talk Dream Phone? Jordan loved me! 😆 What happened to the 90’s. Why did it have to end?
Annnnd, here I am. 39 years old, divorced, 2 kids and attempting to date but… seriously? It’s Awful. Terrible. A no good situation. It’s a FULL TIME FKN JOB. Dating is not at all like it was “back then”. By saying “back then” I mean when social media wasn’t a thing. When we had to listen to the eeeeeaaaaaaawwwwwwww dial up sound. When we all had AIM and thought we would catch our ex’s online when their away messages said they were offline. When our biggest decision was: Who to add to our top 10 on MySpace. When phones didn’t track our every location, status and posted pictures that we forgot we posted the night before.
Social media killed the dating world. It made us ALL stalkers. If you do not admit that you have ever #googled someone: lies! I call your lies! I tryyyyyy to not do this but everyone is SUS. SUSPECT. 😑 Thank you Social Media.
SOOO do you want to hear what goes on in my head? What my tiny little red flags are saying? What I’m thinking while swiping? Here you read: “Whats the real story. Who knows them. What do they want. Who do they typically date. Is this a fling because of the last relationship? Are they still married and didn’t realize that they miiight be on the wrong site. Why haven’t they ever been married? Do they have a criminal background. Who is this person I may/not waste my time with? Why don’t they have kids? HOW many kids? Is there baby mama drama? How old is he realllllly? I guess I’ll go on the date. Offer to split the check. He’ll probably say no. Free dinner/drinks right? If he does ask for a split, I’ll do it but be skeptical. UGHHHH. Why did we learn that men haddd to pay. OK. Why not. What to wear. Simple, spice it up? Don’t want to look too good/bad. Will he open the door? Is he a mamas boy, but in a bad way. Does he like kids? Get out of my head. BYE. Stop overthinking. Just go, but remember: don’t settle! It is cuffing season…….”
All. The. UGH. I know that “my person” has to be out there… SOMEWHERE?! Right? And if that means having to enter the dating jungle, then what other choice do I have?! OHHHHH, yes. I forgot! I can go to a bar with 20 something year olds. Thats fun. So much fun when you’re single and looking for a person but all the bar has to offer are one night stands and drunk guys with their goooooogleeee eyes… and other things…. pointing straight 👉 at the 20 something year old girls and all the 20 something year old boys think they can grab… me. 🙅♀️ LOL. I was there once, had A LOT of fun, still have a lot of fun when I’m out with friends. BUTTTTTT times are different and dating just suuuuuuucks. Basically, the divorced men are looking for one thing and the single woman are looking for MEN but they’re stuck with the f boys who will talk your ear off about anything and the men will just buy the youngins drinks all night long.
Covid sucks. Men suck. It all just suuuucks… well not ALL of it. Don’t get me wrong. Dating can also be fun when you meet someone and think, Hey! He seems normal, sweet, we’re connecting and enjoying each others company but then BAM. It’s now 3 days later, no text, call or check until the following week. Like what?! Who are you again? And you now want me to clear my schedule because you probably went on another date with another girl, didn’t have as much of an enjoyable time as you did with me 🤔 Ummm.. no. This is not 1999 when there was a “3 day wait time” until you sent a beep to your crush. Give ME a text, a check in and be a man. I have good intentions but I see where yours are. SUS. I saw Casper and I’m not a fan of ghosts.
There is a bright side to being single though! And I soak it all in. Look at me tonight: It’s Friday night, I have lots of options but I’m sitting in my living room with a tall glass of vino and typing to YOU! I have ALONE time. I can do what I want when I want; when the kids are not here of course. I have no one to clean up after. I have no one to answer to. I have freeeeeedom. I have my house the way I like it, the fridge is organized, my house is an icebox because I like it cold, I can order amazon without hiding the packages, I laugh at the crazy and can cry in the shower without judgement. I also now have a nanny who takes care of me TOO! Thats right, not just the kids but ME! She is the absolute best and I’m not sure how I made it without her. She makes me my coffee in the morning, double checks that I have everything I need to work and sends me off with an air kiss and no worries for the day. Laundry? Done. Food shopping? Done. Cleaning? Done. The dreaded kids lunches for school? Done. Amazon returns? Done. Errands? Done. Thank you NANNY HEAVEN!! Thank you “my mammma”! I NEEDED you more than I thought I needed anyone. She lets me take care of myself, which can be almost impossible due to mommy guilt. OHHH. MOMMY GUILT. That’s a different blog for a different day. #Comingsoon.
As a single mama, my time is precious, I want to spend it watching, playing, snuggling and kissing my 2 baby boys. I don’t want to waste it on men who don’t know what they want in life. Like said above. Don’t make me wait to have to ask you “why”. I call them “floaters”. Floating around the dating pool, looking for the next best thing and will probably repeat the same overboard situation they were in before. #Floaters.
I met a women the other night while out on a date. She was sitting at the bar and I asked her if the seat next to her was free, we ended up talking and she and we had more than 1 thing in common. She’s a single mama too, divorced and her energy was everything I needed. She was glowing, gloating about her 2 kids in college and how today was one of the best days she’s had in a long time. At 55, she has it all. She reminded me that I don’t NEED someone to make me happy. I am happy. I WANT my person and I want my person to want me to. I’m in no rush, maybe he’ll magically fall into my life when I least expect it. So for now, I’m just going to be laid back, sippin’ on gin and juice….. watching the floaters pass by until my person falls from the magical sky above.
We talked bar but not the dating sites. Entertaining, fun, funny, boring, awful, crazy, useless and useful. Swipe left, swipe right. SO. Do you want to hear the juicy? The questions? The responses? Here I tell……..
- Hey sexy, I have my own heli. Want me to take you to another level? No thank you. I’ve been to the mile high club, it’s not the 2 second clip you see in the movies, unless it is?
- Hi Dee. 6’2, 245bs and B cups. You? So, did you get fitted at Victoria Secret too?
- I like feet. Do you have cute feet? #Next
- Whats on your bucket list? Me? Not you.
- Hi Dee, I’m Jay. Love long hikes and camping in the woods. Do you like wood? I like trackers when on a hike in the woods.
- My interests include: yoga, cross fit and pilates. Do you work out and how often? It’s not a competition, just need to know. Umm….. bye.
- Hi Dee! I see you have kids, I’m not a fan but would love to get to know you better. So, you’re saying you might be cold hearted and only want sex, got it. NEXT!
- I only date The Vaccinated. Are you vaccinated? Really.
- Hopefully you’re into cycling and we can strava together. WTF is strava?
- I hope you don’t mind my housemate. She’s a clementine tree, 12 years old and my baby. Ohhh… ok. Is she the longest relationship you’ve had?
- I get better looking the more you get to know me, or after a cocktail or two. Ummm…
- Looking for: not sure yet. Then why are you on this app, maybe try that ooooother app. Might get lucky?
- My interests include: golf. Do you golf? Is that all you’re interests include?
- My profile says that I’m 39, I’m really 45. Are your pics from when you were 25 too?
And the list goes on and on LOL SMH. So to sum this one up into the books: Social Media Killed the dating world!! Come back 90’s! I also think Covid wiped out common sense, humor and personalities in some of these guys. Smell and taste, ALL included.